|The Road to Deliverance|
|Hope Stories - Stories|
Yearning for Love
I was a gay young man that had been sexually abused as a young child until my mid teens. I yearned for the love, attention, and acceptance of my dad that other kids had and I didn't. I came from a dysfunctional family where my dad was an alcoholic and I was his whipping boy. Instead of promoting an atmosphere of love, it developed into a relationship of bitterness and borderline hatred. I yearned to be loved and wanted by my dad. When I was abused by a relative, I turned that love and want into the attention he showed me as a filling of that need.
I grew more involved in the gay life and when faced with being outed, I married to hide my sin. I led two distinct lives and indulged the gay one for years. I tried to fill that need to be loved and accepted by men. I put my gay side first and many times to the neglect of my family. I had three daughters and prayed that I would never have a son. To say it in a nutshell, I was not a man that most regular men liked or that they could relate to.
Encounters Which Led to Christ
My turning point came in my late thirties after many encounters with what I still can't explain to this day, other than maybe angels. I wanted more to life than what I had and knew that there was more to God than what the church had taught me. I started doubting religion early in my life when I raised questions and never got real answers; I left the church when I was in my late teens.
My first encounter with something outside of the church was when I moved to a new state and was being trained in a new job. I was working with a young man who told me constantly about Jesus. Although I was polite and listened, I was very weary of religion and just took it in and didn't pay it much attention. Although I knew that there was a God out there, I wanted to find something that fed the soul; I wanted to know God and not just know about Him. When he left to go to Bible College, I did realize I missed him or rather his stories of Jesus.
My next encounter came a while after when I picked up a young man hitch hiking in the pouring rain. He got in and from the moment he got in he asked me if I knew Jesus. I told him I knew about him and that didn't seem to be what he meant. He said that I need to know Him personally and on a more intimate level as my own Savior. When I let him out at his stop, he simply vanished. I looked for him and he was no where to be found.
My next encounter came when I nearly drowned. I am not a swimmer and found myself sucked under and out to sea by an undertow. I came up several hundred feet from shore and for me it might as well been miles. I panicked and started yelling and thrashing in the water. Out of nowhere this man appears next to me and begins to talk me into shore. He told me to swim diagonally to shore and that I would make it. I was still scared to death and when I told him I was going to drown, he told me that it wasn't my time and to swim. When I got tired, he told me to stand up and walk. I was instantly in waist deep water and ran out. When I turned to thank him, there was no one there.
The last encounter I had was in a dream where I died. I was walking down this dark corridor talking with someone else about how we died. Then all of a sudden I was alone and standing on what I perceived to be a balcony overlooking a beautiful garden. The colors were nothing that I had ever seen before on earth; they were bright and yet cast no shadow. The light seemed to be all around and not from any one direction. In the center of the garden was a fountain and it appeared to be the source of life to all it fed. It flowed in all directions but yet the ground didn't seem to be drenched. I was taking in the beauty of this garden when a hand settled on my shoulder. I didn't dare turn around, for some reason I knew who it was. In a voice full of peace and calming He says to me, "all this I give to you my child." I told Him that I wasn't worthy and to please give me another chance to be. I instantly woke up and I knew I had died and yet been given that second chance.
A few weeks or so later, I accepted Jesus as my Savior. I later found a good church and soon heard the message of deliverance, and that alone drew me into the need to know more.
Step By Step
The difference started out subtle and grew into a walk where I thought I had arrived at my full potential and was delivered. I was so sure I was delivered that I foolishly let my guard down, and I had many things happen that really made me grow.
I have had a mixed life of set backs, but mostly I have been going forward step by step and steadily along. I have done things my way for many years and it got me nowhere, and since I decided to follow His way, my life is moving forward again. I am delivered, but like any bondage, it must be taken one day at a time.
I have also learned not to think I have arrived or gotten to where I am no longer in need of His strength and guidance. I lean on Him for my very breath each day. I no longer consider myself gay, but now I am a Christian. Through the Blood of the Lamb I overcame my bondage, and with His strength I am kept from falling again. I have been healed of that bondage and am no longer a servant to sin but to Jesus.
If this story can help but one person struggling with this sin, then my story was worth the time to write. I thank my Lord Jesus for saving me and setting this captive free.