Ron Hutchcraft Ministries - A Letter to God

The Perfect Man for Me

I thought I had come to my breaking point. Inside I was in agony, and my life was in shambles. I had spent three years of my life in misery with a man who was a compulsive gambler. I was severely depressed. I loved this man, but he was not the one who God had for me to spend the rest of my life with.

I decided to write a letter to God; I had nothing more to lose. I poured my heart out, or what was left of it on paper. I'd asked for specific things in what I thought would be the perfect man for me. Then I thought of that verse, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4 ). So that's what I did, I asked for every desire of my heart. I'd even asked for God to make some much needed changes in me. I put it in a sealed envelope, dated it, prayed over it, and put the envelope in a drawer.

As the years went by, I spent time screwing up my life even more. I knew what I had written down, I knew what I wanted out of life, I knew what I wanted in a mate, and I knew God loved me and only wanted the very best for me. Yet I found myself settling over and over again. I couldn't stand being alone and my self worth had been stripped over the years before that. I went from one terrible relationship to the next, getting beaten down more and more. Just when things couldn't get any worse, my grandmother (who practically raised me and my son) became terminally ill. So needless to say, I was in a great deal of pain and used any method I deemed necessary to numb it. I was at the point where I didn't even care if I lived, nor did I believe in God anymore. I didn't believe in His promises and at that time, didn't believe in that waste of paper I called a "letter to God." I just couldn't understand why God was allowing all this misery upon my life.

Then my life changed. I was a member of an online networking site that allows you to keep in touch with family and friends. One day I'd gotten a request to be added as a friend from a guy named Christopher. Christopher and I began to email back and forth. Chris and I talked online for a few weeks. Our conversations would last for hours, and we talked about religion, beliefs, family, etc. His knowledge of the Bible is what intrigued me. Having grown up going to church most of my life we had some interesting discussions. I spent the next few weeks talking with Chris on the phone, and it was even better than our letters and chats. I became more and more interested in him and what he had to say, and one day I found myself thinking about "the letter" again. I even found myself thinking he could be "the one" just by our conversations. He was different from any other man I'd spoken to before.

Later we had our first date and in walks a man like I had described in the letter. Of course, I didn't tell him about the little voice that I'd heard that I believe now to have been God. As time went by, I believed there was a greater power placing us in each others lives when we needed each other most. Here I was about to be alone with the inevitable death of my grandma, my heart smashed all to bits, throwing my life away by drinking and doing drugs, caring less about tomorrow, and in walks the most perfect person I'd ever met. It was a big risk falling in love, but somehow we knew everything would be okay. As we talked, we knew it was right for us and that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

A Higher Power

A couple months later, Chris and I decided to go to church, as we were both raised going to church. It had been a long time since either of us had done so. It was during the service that day that I found out my grandmother had died. Chris was there, right by my side. The pastor called my son and I up to the alter for prayer, and Chris went along. The pastor kept referring to us as a family during his prayer, and Chris told me later that "He felt like he was supposed to be there with me and Holden." He knew then too that we were drawn together by a power other than our own.

Chris stood by my side the whole time during my grandma's death and had been there for me a few weeks prior to that of my uncle's death. I was never more sure that everything would be fine, that I had "the one" that would care for us, and that we didn't have to be alone anymore. We were married Aug. 9th, 2008.

Now let me get back to the important part of the story, the letter to God. Before we got married, I decided to open the letter. I had to make sure this was real. Not only did God get the physical attributes right that I'd asked for, but Chris had the personality I'd asked for too. I had also wanted someone that believed the way I believed as far as the Bible. After we got married, we started to attend church more regularly. We go to church as a family; Chris prays with the men before the church service, he takes care of anything we need, he is sensitive to what I need and want, and the list could go on and on.

There is Hope

First of all, I just want the world to know how lucky I am. I love Chris more than I could ever say or that he could ever know. I can't talk about our love or marriage without getting tears in my eyes.

Another reason I'm writing this is to give an example of how big God is in our lives. I tried to speak of my great appreciation to God for hand picking, out of the millions of people on earth, someone as great as my husband Chris. No one will ever understand the degree of sorrow I was in, and the miserable state I'd been in my whole life. No one will ever know the depths of my despair, my hopelessness, and my brokenness. This is my way of trying to shed some light on my story, our story. There is hope! God is a big God, and just when you think He's forgotten you, He will rescue you in His timing. He will never give you more than you can handle. When you have forgotten God, he still won't forget you.

All I have to say is I am human, I make mistakes, I get mad, I cry, and I say things I shouldn't. I haven't been a "model Christian," and for that I am sorry. God knows I'm not perfect. He knew my heart and my desires, and he gave them all to me and then some when he sent me Chris. Chris may not be perfect either, but he's perfect for me and I am perfect for him. For that I will be forever grateful to God and I will shout it from the rooftops if I have to. My life will never be the same. God has given me one of the greatest gifts of all and that gift is honest to goodness "True Love." A love those most only hear about, dream about, or hope for. God gave me my very own fairy tale love story. God has taken a mess of a life such as mine. God has turned my life into something that is pleasing to Him. He has created life that helps minister to the lost and dying and those who hunger for more of Him.

H. K., Ohio